Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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