taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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