I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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