Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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