Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
