I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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