apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
