Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
