Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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