Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
