ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
