if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
