we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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