I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
