Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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