I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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