He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
