i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
