He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
And then he peed in my hair
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