Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
