If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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