this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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