you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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