He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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