I am in a vortex of obligation.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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