I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
