she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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