just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
