Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
