Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
420 ftw
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
