my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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