i was born a porn star she said
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
