I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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