he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I need moral support for this bender
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
