I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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