So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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