At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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