Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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