I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
