So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
