"it" just moved
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
