So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
