i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Randomize
