I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
