Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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