State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
