Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
