I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
