You're my little dorito
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
