totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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