Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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