That's when you crack a 10am beer
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
