Cold hands, warm shart.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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