did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
