Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
