there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
