i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am one with the molecules
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
