I just made out with a guy for $7.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
