I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
