this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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