How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
