ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
