the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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