I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
