I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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