what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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