I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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