no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
