My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
