i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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