the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
