it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
