this boner is exhausting
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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