Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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