y did u give ur computer a hand job?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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