i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
