Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
